So I learned today that I need nothing more to keep myself thoroughly entertained than my mind...
I love it when old men wear UW hats
I called a man beautiful today on the bus (in my mind of course)
I probably broke the record for how many times I check my email per day. And for how many different computers I logged onto on campus today.
I am sooo ready for school to be done
Chem professors shouldn't ask for suggestions unless they are prepared to get them.
I am sad/envious that everyone is leaving to study abroad.
Growing up is stressful
My to-do list is never-ending. At least it gets more organized and neat every time I re-write it. By the third copy it's usually colored.
I am so exhausted. So is my brain.
Friday, June 03, 2005
Thursday, April 21, 2005
Hope vs. Expectations
I postponed this a in April of 2005 with the intention of finishing, but I'm too lazy. Sorry it took so long, Patrick.
It dawned on me today that there lies a fine line between having hope and having expectations. While the two seem to go hand in hand, they are definitely not interchangable terms. Hope is gracefuland leaniant, while expectations are much more strict.
When going into a situation or relationship with high expectations for how it will turn out, the focus seems to be too much on fulfilling those expectations rather than just "going with the flow" of things. With expectations you set yourself up for a harder fall.
There is such freedom in the word "hope". A graciousness that seems like it will never let us down. In hope, we never know how something will turn out, but long for the best the entire time. It is not in vain or pride.
Hope strengthens, expectations are a result of confidence. This relationship reminds me of a passage from 1 Corinthians 8:1 which says, "knowledge puffs up, but love builds up." Knowledge produces expected outcomes. We think we know someone or something and we expect cirtain things out of them. But when these people or things don't deliver as expected, we are dissapointed. Our knowledge is shattered, because it turns out that we don't know it/them like the back of our hand. And for many, thats an unwanted reality check. God is saying, "you don't know everything. Stop pretending like you do." and when we can accept that, we can respond with "So help me. Teach me. Show me how to approach this or deal with this."
It dawned on me today that there lies a fine line between having hope and having expectations. While the two seem to go hand in hand, they are definitely not interchangable terms. Hope is gracefuland leaniant, while expectations are much more strict.
When going into a situation or relationship with high expectations for how it will turn out, the focus seems to be too much on fulfilling those expectations rather than just "going with the flow" of things. With expectations you set yourself up for a harder fall.
There is such freedom in the word "hope". A graciousness that seems like it will never let us down. In hope, we never know how something will turn out, but long for the best the entire time. It is not in vain or pride.
Hope strengthens, expectations are a result of confidence. This relationship reminds me of a passage from 1 Corinthians 8:1 which says, "knowledge puffs up, but love builds up." Knowledge produces expected outcomes. We think we know someone or something and we expect cirtain things out of them. But when these people or things don't deliver as expected, we are dissapointed. Our knowledge is shattered, because it turns out that we don't know it/them like the back of our hand. And for many, thats an unwanted reality check. God is saying, "you don't know everything. Stop pretending like you do." and when we can accept that, we can respond with "So help me. Teach me. Show me how to approach this or deal with this."
Tuesday, April 12, 2005
It's All Relative
In the midst of my overwhelmingly busy schedule last quarter, I went to the law library where I planned to get about two hours of studying in before I had to go to work. I figured the law library a good choice because I don't usually get too distracted there. I however made the mistake of convincing myself that I might have a new email waiting for me in my inbox, regardless of the fact that I had only checked it a little over an hour ago. I'm sure my subconscious was on a one-track path to procrastination.
To my dismay, I received nothing new in my inbox that could keep me away from my usual "cubby". So, of course, I had to make sure I was not overlooking anything of importance in my yahoo/junk mail account. You know... the one you give out to websites that you know will send you tons of mail unworthy of sorting through everyday (or at least days you don't feel like procrastinating on).Well, that day I sorted… very well. In my inbox, I came across an email telling me that they were "confused" as to why I hadn't "claimed the three million dollars [I] won." So I clicked the link with both hope and skepticism. I searched all over their website to find my 3 mil with no more success than finding more links that linked to links. And pop-ups. Before I knew it I was signing up my yahoo account yet again to sort through and dispose of more junk mail, with the possibility of getting my "Free I pod!" Those advertisers are soooo clever. Regardless of how many times I told myself that it's "a scam" or "too good to be true", something inside me kept on fighting those instincts away.
After an hour and a half of the 'precious' time I planned on using to study had so tediously come and gone, my instincts started to retaliate. As much as I wanted that free, easy three million dollars, I knew that it was more about taking the easy way out. Having all of my problems and stresses with money, so miraculously disappear. Money has a very interesting power. It can cause what seems to be the majority of problems in the world, while at the same time seduce people into thinking that it can fix all of those problems as well. Money brings stress, anxiety, jealousy, and greed when you are short on it (as most of the world is) and an interesting breed of 'pseudo comfort' to those who have it- at least for a little while.
It seems as though everybody always needs more money, but that need is always relative. It is related to what one believes to be reality. For example, reality to a sixteen-year-old girl who lives in Bellevue might be that you are "poor" if you don't have your own car, a big house, and nice clothes. When compared to the rest of her friends who have all of these things and more, one might understand where she is coming from. But when compared to the rest of the world, where "poor" is literally having no food to eat, she is living in luxury. Most would say "at least she has a house," or "at least she doesn't have to worry about being clothed or fed."
We, as Americans, live in our own little desensitized world; desensitized from the reality of what is "need" and what is "want". Unfortunately most Americans are never sensitized to the needs of the world, nor do many want to be. We are sheltered in our capitalistic and money-oriented society. The unordinary luxurious lives we lead takes us away from the ordinary; reality.
A man on the bus once told me that we are exposed to over 3,000 labels a day. I don't know about you, but I'm going to venture that most of us don't take notice to this in the least. If that's not desensitization, I don't know what is.
To my dismay, I received nothing new in my inbox that could keep me away from my usual "cubby". So, of course, I had to make sure I was not overlooking anything of importance in my yahoo/junk mail account. You know... the one you give out to websites that you know will send you tons of mail unworthy of sorting through everyday (or at least days you don't feel like procrastinating on).Well, that day I sorted… very well. In my inbox, I came across an email telling me that they were "confused" as to why I hadn't "claimed the three million dollars [I] won." So I clicked the link with both hope and skepticism. I searched all over their website to find my 3 mil with no more success than finding more links that linked to links. And pop-ups. Before I knew it I was signing up my yahoo account yet again to sort through and dispose of more junk mail, with the possibility of getting my "Free I pod!" Those advertisers are soooo clever. Regardless of how many times I told myself that it's "a scam" or "too good to be true", something inside me kept on fighting those instincts away.
After an hour and a half of the 'precious' time I planned on using to study had so tediously come and gone, my instincts started to retaliate. As much as I wanted that free, easy three million dollars, I knew that it was more about taking the easy way out. Having all of my problems and stresses with money, so miraculously disappear. Money has a very interesting power. It can cause what seems to be the majority of problems in the world, while at the same time seduce people into thinking that it can fix all of those problems as well. Money brings stress, anxiety, jealousy, and greed when you are short on it (as most of the world is) and an interesting breed of 'pseudo comfort' to those who have it- at least for a little while.
It seems as though everybody always needs more money, but that need is always relative. It is related to what one believes to be reality. For example, reality to a sixteen-year-old girl who lives in Bellevue might be that you are "poor" if you don't have your own car, a big house, and nice clothes. When compared to the rest of her friends who have all of these things and more, one might understand where she is coming from. But when compared to the rest of the world, where "poor" is literally having no food to eat, she is living in luxury. Most would say "at least she has a house," or "at least she doesn't have to worry about being clothed or fed."
We, as Americans, live in our own little desensitized world; desensitized from the reality of what is "need" and what is "want". Unfortunately most Americans are never sensitized to the needs of the world, nor do many want to be. We are sheltered in our capitalistic and money-oriented society. The unordinary luxurious lives we lead takes us away from the ordinary; reality.
A man on the bus once told me that we are exposed to over 3,000 labels a day. I don't know about you, but I'm going to venture that most of us don't take notice to this in the least. If that's not desensitization, I don't know what is.
Tuesday, February 22, 2005
Mind and Heart; Reality and Faith
Coming back from my weekend vacation in San Diego tonight I was reading "Fahrenheit 451" (which is a very good book I might add). It sparked thought of the relationship between imagination, hope, reality, and dreams and reminded of a previous experience on the plane about a year ago. Flying south to Palm Springs a little over a year ago I gazed out my window, absorbing the beauty this earth so modestly yet brilliantly boasts of. As we glided above the clouds with a clear view of the sunset rising in the east, I swore to myself that straight ahead, mounted among clouds, was heaven. In fact, I was somewhat dumbfounded and excited that I was witnessing the physical entity of God's Kingdom. Lost in my spiritual beliefs at that time, I felt my faith soar as I simply learned that I believed. I had such confidence in this physical being outside my window, and regardless of the fact that about two minutes later my imagination was brought into reality when, "to your left you will see the top of Mt. Baker" came over the intercom, I still felt the power of God's message and presence. The message became a bit clearer tonight when God showed me that faith and reality don't necessarily have to be separate beings. They correspond to make faith even stronger, and reality more real.
Friday, February 11, 2005
Weekend Jibberish
Wow. I've been on a roll recently. Actually I'm just wasting the next few minutes before I ride my bike to work and start my day (sad, I know considering its about 12:30 already). Oh, I'm so excited, because I am going to get my eyebrows waxed, which is WAY overdue. Not to mention that UW liked my application to become a summer peer advisor and has asked me back for an interview. I am completely unmotivated to go to class right now, considering I'm not going to get to take my next two midterms anyway. I'm going to San Diego with my Dad next friday, and both classes that I have midterms in let you drop your lowest score. Unfortunate that that has to be a big "0", but I guess its nice not having to have stress come out of my butt for the 2 weeks preceding them.
Canada tonight with Adam, Kayla, and Ian. Good times. This wil be the second time I have gone up since I've turned 19. Don't worry, I'm keeping in tide with my lent promise. I'm gonna be a nerd and pack food for myself so that I don't have to spend any money. Loser? Yes. Awesome? Yes. Hahaha. Anyway, the weekend is upon us and my bike awaits. Adios for now! Ayayayayay!
Canada tonight with Adam, Kayla, and Ian. Good times. This wil be the second time I have gone up since I've turned 19. Don't worry, I'm keeping in tide with my lent promise. I'm gonna be a nerd and pack food for myself so that I don't have to spend any money. Loser? Yes. Awesome? Yes. Hahaha. Anyway, the weekend is upon us and my bike awaits. Adios for now! Ayayayayay!
Thursday, February 10, 2005
Taking Action
In response to my last post in addition to the fact that Lent has just dawned upon us, I thought that it would be a great time to start taking action against my self-distain. Many of you know that it is a common practice to give something up for lent (sometimes take something on) to better ones self. I have decided this lent to give up anything excess. This includes eating out, buying unnecessary items for myself (such as clothes), and so on. I am taking the money that would have gone to my thoughtlessly self-indulgence and giving it to some one who needs it. I havn't thus far decided who or what cause I would be giving it to, but that decision doesn't necisarrily have to be made just yet. If your wondering how I would go about determining how much money I theoretically would have spent, I am comparing my budget/bills from last month and taking the difference as money saved.
I post this for you all to read in hope that you will challenge yourself this Lent to better yourself and maybe even better society for a mere 40 days (February 9 - March 27 not including Sundays). I urge you to take this challenge even if you don't celebrate this christian tradition as a self test and sacrifice. After all... you never know what you will get out of it and learn about yourself.
Oh yeah. And tomorrow Billy turns the big 2-0, so if you know him be sure to wish him a happy birthday!!!
I post this for you all to read in hope that you will challenge yourself this Lent to better yourself and maybe even better society for a mere 40 days (February 9 - March 27 not including Sundays). I urge you to take this challenge even if you don't celebrate this christian tradition as a self test and sacrifice. After all... you never know what you will get out of it and learn about yourself.
Oh yeah. And tomorrow Billy turns the big 2-0, so if you know him be sure to wish him a happy birthday!!!
Sunday, February 06, 2005
Materialistic Selfishness
God am I lucky to have such an amazingly compassionate and grounded boyfriend. I wish I could see the world as he does every day, and I feel so selfish not doing so. I feel caught in the middle. Between wanting to give money to the needy and worrying about not having enough for my own expenses, between volunteering my time and renting it out for pay. It’s so easy to say that I want to get out of this materialistic culture and country, but the truth is that I desperately need a break from my materialistic mindset. It’s so easy to make excuses as to why I think this way, to psychologically dig in to my state of mind. I claim that it stems from the feeling of being ‘poor’ all of my life, regardless of how relatively untrue that is. I’m in the mindset of “I want to, but can’t afford to.” I know that that will soon turn into a careless and selfish “I don’t feel like it right now.” I don’t want to be like that. I don’t want to be another hypocritical Christian, a title that Adam disallows himself to be under. He doesn’t want to sit back and take the glory of the title; he wants to take action and do, as he believes Jesus did and wants us to do.
Adam inspires me, but I feel like it won’t be long until I fall back into the sad mindset of “When can I afford to take time out? What can I afford to give?” My pitiful thoughts remind me that all that I have, I have been blessed with by God. God has given me everything, and I am so lucky to have what I have. I am not in poverty. I am not starving. I am not homeless. I have an education. I have a family that loves me so much and has been so amazing to me. I have absolutely amazing friends.
Life is such a big test of “What will you chose to do with what God has given you?” And now I feel like the Bible screams to us, aching for us to get it! It screams it in the Parable of the Talents (Matthew 25:12-30), in the story about the poor widow’s offering (Mark 12: 41-44), and the countless times that Jesus says, “Many who are first will be last, and many who are last will be first” (Matthew 19:30). So the question remains: what will I choose to do with what God has given me? Will I “Invest or squander” my time as Chris Rice sings? How will I repent from this selfishness? Lord, help me!
Adam inspires me, but I feel like it won’t be long until I fall back into the sad mindset of “When can I afford to take time out? What can I afford to give?” My pitiful thoughts remind me that all that I have, I have been blessed with by God. God has given me everything, and I am so lucky to have what I have. I am not in poverty. I am not starving. I am not homeless. I have an education. I have a family that loves me so much and has been so amazing to me. I have absolutely amazing friends.
Life is such a big test of “What will you chose to do with what God has given you?” And now I feel like the Bible screams to us, aching for us to get it! It screams it in the Parable of the Talents (Matthew 25:12-30), in the story about the poor widow’s offering (Mark 12: 41-44), and the countless times that Jesus says, “Many who are first will be last, and many who are last will be first” (Matthew 19:30). So the question remains: what will I choose to do with what God has given me? Will I “Invest or squander” my time as Chris Rice sings? How will I repent from this selfishness? Lord, help me!
Sunday, January 16, 2005
Sybil = Happy Psycho Girl
Ok, so I know that it's been over a month since my last post. Actually now that I think about it, this is my first post this year... Please excuse the shameless use of the ulitmate corny new years joke. Speaking of the new year, It has been absolutely wonderful. I had a great time over winter break just maxin and relaxin; going up to Everett to hang out with Adam and his fam, and sadly getting my only excercise of the break cross-country skiing at Steven's Pass. I also got to hang out with Billy a lot (though never enough), and run into every one of the 365,518 people I know at Bellevue square-- not that I have any complaints with that.
I went to church this morning with Abby (my old YL leader) which was very much welcomed and needed. She came in and toured my amazing house... regardless of the fact that amazing is used for both good and bad: amazingly messy, and amazingly large and awesome! My closets are half empty at this point. Where did the other half of my stuff go? If you know me well enough, you may have guessed its sprawling accross my floor. Regardless of how big of a room I have, it always seems to be covered in clothes after about 2 weeks. I do infact have more floor space now, therefor an emptier closet, but thats ok. My room is great and I love it!
As I was telling my friend, Helen, I am officially such a nerd... even more so when I'm by myself. This morning I got up to get a snackpack from the fridge, and when I saw it, I yell to myself in extreme excitement, "Oooh! Snackpack!!" Of course I laughed at myself right away for yelling to myself in excitement, in addition to the fact that if anyone saw how I acted by myself, they would think me to be absolutely crazy. Oh yeah... and I did this last night when I opened the freezer and saw potstickers too.
Hunger arrives at the thought of potstickers, so I must get off my Glutious Maximus and put my other, extremely usefull muscles to work as I get ready for my SOCCER SLEEPOVER tonight! Oh, I'm so excited! It's going to be just like Oregon again- only more comfortable and more hygenic. Yipee! I'm off...
I went to church this morning with Abby (my old YL leader) which was very much welcomed and needed. She came in and toured my amazing house... regardless of the fact that amazing is used for both good and bad: amazingly messy, and amazingly large and awesome! My closets are half empty at this point. Where did the other half of my stuff go? If you know me well enough, you may have guessed its sprawling accross my floor. Regardless of how big of a room I have, it always seems to be covered in clothes after about 2 weeks. I do infact have more floor space now, therefor an emptier closet, but thats ok. My room is great and I love it!
As I was telling my friend, Helen, I am officially such a nerd... even more so when I'm by myself. This morning I got up to get a snackpack from the fridge, and when I saw it, I yell to myself in extreme excitement, "Oooh! Snackpack!!" Of course I laughed at myself right away for yelling to myself in excitement, in addition to the fact that if anyone saw how I acted by myself, they would think me to be absolutely crazy. Oh yeah... and I did this last night when I opened the freezer and saw potstickers too.
Hunger arrives at the thought of potstickers, so I must get off my Glutious Maximus and put my other, extremely usefull muscles to work as I get ready for my SOCCER SLEEPOVER tonight! Oh, I'm so excited! It's going to be just like Oregon again- only more comfortable and more hygenic. Yipee! I'm off...
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