Forward Looking

Life is so freaking exciting. I cannot WAIT to get older. And older. And older. It may sound crazy, but I look forward to turning 40, 65, 82. I know, I say this now and sound young and ignorant and carefree, but seriously. Can you even imagine what will happen within the next 2o years? I mean sure, there will be pain, and hurt, and plenty of hard times, but there will also be so much joy and pleasure in loving and learning and being. I look forward to learning more about existentialism. About God. And myself. I look forward to watching people grow and change. To losing bets about how long it will be before people start having kids (I seem to give people the benefit of the doubt). And man, oh MAN do those house boats on East Lake Union keep on looking more and more awesome. I really look forward to being shaped more and more by God with time, and finding the joy in that every day. To the surprise that hits me every time I see the youngest sibling of old family friends, and proclaiming each time how impossible it must be for them to be so old already (14, really??!! Hight school?!), while at the same time wondering why they've stayed young longer than anyone I know. I look forward to adding more and different types of foreign currency to my change jar (especially in bill form). To new and changed faces in cherished photos. And lastly, to more random nights that keep me up until 4am writing blogs that will make me sorry that I didn't go to bed earlier instead. Meh, what are you gonna do?

Theological Detours

I was just reading over some of my older blog posts and, as always, am greatful that I posted them. Because they are in a place that I will go back and read (unlike my paper journals), I can get an idea of my thoughts, beliefs, views, etc. over the past couple of years, scarce as they are, and see how I've changed.

For example: I read my "theology en route" post, and found that while I'm still struggling with a lot of the same things I was then, I think I have a better understanding of them. I really think/hope that I am making progress in this persuit of God. It may not be apparent right away, but year by year come new developments of my faith. One thing that's recently been made more clear to me (during Holy week infact) is the Power of God. I think up until this past week I have been having trouble with the story of Jesus' death and resurrection- whether it really happened or not, etc. What became strikingly clear to me one night at church was, what I believe to be, the underlying point of the whole thing. Through faith that God has really the power to do anything- and I mean anything- why wouldn't that be possible? I think it's an awesome demonstration of God's unconditional love and power. I can't really explain it much further-- it's just this encompasing, exciting feeling of 'knowing' in those forces that I get that can make me believe such a thing. And with that, comes the rest of the bible together; it ties things together in a whole new way... but I know that that is bound to change with new convicitons and beliefs. Maybe these things and new ideas will just keep piling up, building upon eachother, into a mount of faith and meaning; or maybe I'll just keep having to cut the top of this mountain off, over and over again, in order to be able to build further up and in the right direction- to the place where I should be going. Does any of that make sense? Probably not, but whatev- I don't know how else to explain it right now.

This is kinda funny- I think I can track this construction of my faith through how many times I've wanted to get confirmed, but a week later decide I'm not ready yet. For background, I grew up in the Episcopal church, baptised November 1st, 1985 (at about one and a half moths old). This baptism is usually confirmed by people in another ceremony when they are an adolescent or early adult. All of my church friends got confirmed together at age 14 when they went on a trip to Maui, but since I didnt go, I wansn't, and still have yet to be confirmed. Over the past few years I have been really thankful that I wansn't because at that age I had pretty much NO idea of who/what God was. So back to the story: every time I get a new glimpse of God, I get super excited and want to take action and prove to myself that I am ready for the commitment that is being asked of me. Then I realize that there's still way more to it that I am clueless about and back off. But now I'm like, "I'm almost there- almost at a point where it makes enough sense to be really firm in all of this".

Ok now my story is boring me. Sorry that you had to go through that. Oh, and I forgot to say that I just found this AMAZING church in freemont- church of the apostles ( http://www.apostleschurch.org/ ). Its a lutheran/episcopal church that's not so traditonal as regular episcopal churches, and is aimed a younger people (average age is about 26). So it's awesome and I'm planning on going whenever I dont have to work. Haha. If you want to come with me let me know- I'm serious. Its sweet. The priest plays guitar in the band.

Anyway, I'm out of boring stuff. So I'll just go and do my homework now.