Trifecta

The Trifecta of my being
is turbulent and tumultuous.
Riddled with the gurneys
of Heartcraft and War,
Glorified tenure, and
Ratified consciousness of bliss until
Finally I trespass into
a fortified sense of self.

Aim and redirect the
Fountains of glory
until only fantasy exists
and pleasure remains.

It's here that evasiveness
tricks the Impressionable and
Innocent heart.

It's not fair, this sinister smile,
This amicable naivety.
But tell me more...
I'm listening.

Fantastical

I want to be where astronauts can fly and fairy's can't get me.
Where trees frolic in the deserts of Katan
And oceans float amongst the seas.

Tell me in that deep, brazen voice of yours where I might find such a place.
Tell me where such things exist, and I will show you some secrets of my own.

Allow me to take you into the deepest pits
And the shallowest of hearts
And there you will see me fighting for survival.

I want unicorns. And Captain Planet.

Poison

In the feathers of my sleep
I wait for you to awaken me.
To draw my eyes open
And long to breathe the breath I breathe.
Because the breath I breathe is like a drug.
The breath I breathe, though, is poison.

I breathe to allow the sick in
To rot my aching bones.
I breathe to blow chaos across the room
While you sit there,
Patiently waiting for me to be though.

In the tandemness of life and death
You ply with me.
But your cry for me has become mute.
You're yell become muddled
Because in my free will
I choose death over life.

Time. After. Fucking. Time.

But it feels so good.
(Why does it feel so good?)
Don't give up on me. I'll try harder.
In the least, I'll try to try harder.

Ha.

Asking for forgiveness this time
seems like a slap in the face.
But please,
Forgive me.

Confident Woman

"Confident Woman" is a part I play-
a character at her best.

"Confident Woman" is the one
who struts so that everybody knows
not to mess with this one.

So that everybody knows
that she's not worth their time

So that everybody thinks
that she's got it together.

But Really---
most of the time,

"confident woman" is just as scared
as the rest.

2 Questions from the Shower

To questions that I'm currently asking myself:

1. What purpose does God serve in my life? Do I use God as a crutch or as a my compass?

2. Do I Use God or do I Love God?

Neither questions at this point have exclusive one-or-the-other answers. Just a pondering. Any thoughts? Insights? Additions?

Beautiful Tension

In death there is life.
In brokenness there is beauty.
In doubt there is faith.

In this moment there is Grace
And we are freed, once again, to live.
Praise be to the Lord, our God.

Amen.

untitled

I wonder why sometimes I keep going back to the things that are clearly unhealthy for me, in hope that, each time, the fresh interaction will produce a more positive result than the last time. Is masochism inherent in all of us, or is it just me??