Timelessness

“And this thing they call our time
I heard a brilliant woman say
She said you know it's crazy
How I want to capture mine
I think I love this woman's way”
-Shawn Mullins, Shine


Time. Time time time time time. It keeps on popping up- everywhere. Somehow its evidence and properties become clearer to me with everything I hear about it – or rather, lack thereof. I say this, because I speak more of timelessness than time itself. Living outside of time. It sounds weird at first, I know, but hear me out.

All of this came up again to me via a podcast I heard about “play”. This retired medical doctor/psychiatrist, Dr. Stuart Brown, defines play as “purposeless, spontaneous, and timeless”. More specifically than simply playing, he talks about pleasurable activities that you lose track of time while participating in. Examples of this can range from playing a sport (we’ve all probably seen or experienced ‘being in the ‘zone’), watching/listening to music, or even reading. To me, being completely caught up in a moment and forgetting all about how much time has passed or how much time is left until the next activity. One of my favorite activities is just people watching- enjoying their movements, how they interact with others, with myself, etc. Key word: enjoy. Not criticizing or judging, but simply taking a step back and enjoying and/or appreciating them. It doesn’t happen spontaneously as often as I would like, but it has happened and has been one of the most euphoric experiences of my life. In moments like that I feel absolutely and completely connected with God. Everything I read in the bible makes absolute sense, as I feel like I’m 100% in line with what it says; when I’m no longer reading it and trying to learn something new from it, but rather agreeing with EVERY SINGLE thing I read because I’m experiencing it at that moment.

Anyway, back to timelessness. How incredible would it be to live a life completely in the present? To forget about the past and future and simply live and enjoy life as it is right at that true moment. I’m reminded of the book of Ecclesiastes (part of the wisdom literature in the old testament – good book, you should read it if you haven’t already):

“A man can do nothing better than to eat and drink and find satisfaction in his work. This too, I see, is from the hand of God, for without him, who can eat or find enjoyment?”
Ecclesiastes 2:24-25

This all makes me just want to live watch-less. To live schedule-less, out in the middle of nowhere, with hunger to guide my eating and the sun to guide my sleeping. To, for once, allow my body to be in tune with its natural state and with nature itself… maybe something more similar to days before electricity (to keep us up ‘til all hours of the night), before fast food or 24-hour grocery stores (ready at our cravings’ convenience), and before life was based on calendars and alarm clocks.

Would it even be possible live completely outside of time? Unlikely, considering we’re surrounded by it’s consequences and anxiety of some sort seems to relentlessly plague us all… We are human- can’t forget that. But how incredible would it be to be able to completely live in every moment without a concern for the next; no future, no past. Simply the present. I was recommended a book by my old roommate, Rachael. She wouldn’t lend me hers, as it was very personalized (what with notes and ideas in the margins and indents – as any good book should), so I found myself a copy and have been quite pleased with it – even if I have only gotten halfway thru thus far. Four Quartets by T.S. Eliot. It’s the first poem that grabs my attention… the first page, in fact, that cradles the words that resonate in me. Here’s a snippet:

“Time present and time past
Are both perhaps present in time future,
And time future contained in time past.
If all time is eternally present
All time is unredeemable.
What might have been and what has been
Point to one end, which is always present.”

A bit more…

“Time past and time future
Allow but a little consciousness.
To be conscious is not to be in time…”

So maybe another day, some wonderful day in the future, will I be able to live in this way, at least for a while. Maybe some day I will be able to allow the simple joys in life soak in a bit deeper so that losing track of time is what I know how to do best. So that “worrying about tomorrow” is no longer a part of my daily living. Maybe then will I fully be able to trust that everything I need, the Lord will provide.

To Be Continued... in life...

I'm tired. Tired of being tired. Tired of not having much of anything new to say about life when people ask. "You know, the usual" I tend to respond. Sooo interesting, right? I guess that's what comes with life and a full time gig at the same spot. Yes, I happen to quit and start back at the Ram about once every 2 months, but other than that life is the same. This really isn't fair of me to say at all, I just feel exhausted right now. I actually love my life. I love that I have increadible friends - something I feel so blessed about. I also feel blessed to have an entire family that's happy (this is a first). Even though everyone is doing different things in different parts of the country, they're all seeking after happiness- their callings, their personal journeys if you will. I am... well, I'm happy, just not on my journey quite yet. There's something out there for me that is tugging at my soul, saying "come find me!" And I have no idea what it is. Maybe its a husband for me, but then again, it could be a deeper peace that I can't find anywhere but there. This is to be my pilgrimage: this place may not be labeled as "sacred" or "religious", but I have a feeling that it will, for me, serve that purpose; a place to find God. To know God in a new and deeper way. A place in which God can transform me. Where I will begin to live a life even less my own than before. I keep on writing about this in new ways with different words. Everywhere.

I look forward to days of pure uncertainty. That I will be able to trust the Lord enough to literally lead me via his voice- and that I will have the ears to listen and the heart to follow that without a doubt. To truly obey 100%. Oh man, that sounds increadible, yet the hardest thing that I will ever attempt to do. I guess all I can do is pray and ask for your prayers in this journey. That I will trust that the strength that the Lord gives me will be enough for His will, whatever that may be.

I can't even imagine what I will be like upon my return; whether people will even notice a difference in me. I should hope so, but then again, who's to say HOW the Lord will work in me. In a free write last night in my journal (i.e. writing without restriction), a seemingly whimsical God spoke to me. Take a look:

"SURPRISE" Says the Lord,
"See what I've made you-
see how I've blessed you.
You had no idea - no escape.
It's me in control.
Just wait and see - Nothing
you could have ever imagined.

PURE BLISS - that's what it is:
incredible, beyond your imagination.

Just keep following me.

Be patient. Wait and see-
it's good, I promise.
Oh, it's going to be good.

YES! You're going to be so surprised.
I can't wait to see the look on your face,
Ooh. This is going to be good.

I AM the clever mastermind-
The clever being without a being.
I am your weaver, your master wit.
You haven't seen anything like me -
except everywhere. I'm in all. I AM IN IT ALL.
Don't doubt me. EVER.
Whahahahaha."




Take from it what you will, I thought it was kind of fun.