To Be Continued... in life...

I'm tired. Tired of being tired. Tired of not having much of anything new to say about life when people ask. "You know, the usual" I tend to respond. Sooo interesting, right? I guess that's what comes with life and a full time gig at the same spot. Yes, I happen to quit and start back at the Ram about once every 2 months, but other than that life is the same. This really isn't fair of me to say at all, I just feel exhausted right now. I actually love my life. I love that I have increadible friends - something I feel so blessed about. I also feel blessed to have an entire family that's happy (this is a first). Even though everyone is doing different things in different parts of the country, they're all seeking after happiness- their callings, their personal journeys if you will. I am... well, I'm happy, just not on my journey quite yet. There's something out there for me that is tugging at my soul, saying "come find me!" And I have no idea what it is. Maybe its a husband for me, but then again, it could be a deeper peace that I can't find anywhere but there. This is to be my pilgrimage: this place may not be labeled as "sacred" or "religious", but I have a feeling that it will, for me, serve that purpose; a place to find God. To know God in a new and deeper way. A place in which God can transform me. Where I will begin to live a life even less my own than before. I keep on writing about this in new ways with different words. Everywhere.

I look forward to days of pure uncertainty. That I will be able to trust the Lord enough to literally lead me via his voice- and that I will have the ears to listen and the heart to follow that without a doubt. To truly obey 100%. Oh man, that sounds increadible, yet the hardest thing that I will ever attempt to do. I guess all I can do is pray and ask for your prayers in this journey. That I will trust that the strength that the Lord gives me will be enough for His will, whatever that may be.

I can't even imagine what I will be like upon my return; whether people will even notice a difference in me. I should hope so, but then again, who's to say HOW the Lord will work in me. In a free write last night in my journal (i.e. writing without restriction), a seemingly whimsical God spoke to me. Take a look:

"SURPRISE" Says the Lord,
"See what I've made you-
see how I've blessed you.
You had no idea - no escape.
It's me in control.
Just wait and see - Nothing
you could have ever imagined.

PURE BLISS - that's what it is:
incredible, beyond your imagination.

Just keep following me.

Be patient. Wait and see-
it's good, I promise.
Oh, it's going to be good.

YES! You're going to be so surprised.
I can't wait to see the look on your face,
Ooh. This is going to be good.

I AM the clever mastermind-
The clever being without a being.
I am your weaver, your master wit.
You haven't seen anything like me -
except everywhere. I'm in all. I AM IN IT ALL.
Don't doubt me. EVER.
Whahahahaha."




Take from it what you will, I thought it was kind of fun.