This is a weird time in my life. I leave for New York City in T-3.5 days, not knowing what I'm going to be doing, where exactly I'm going to be staying, or how long exactly I'll even be there. I guess this is where trust comes in. It's so easy to assume that just because it was my spontaneous plan to move to NY for a few months, that God can't use it. And in that, I lose faith in myself and my ability to rise above temptations, struggles, insecurities. Really, this is a place to start over though. I need to remember that the Lord, in both this opportunity and every other, is allowing me room to see Him more clearly (or conversely allowing me to lose sight completely if I so choose). I NEED to choose the former. Everyday. I need to learn to be disciplined... but that's for another story.
It has definitely been weird saying goodbye to people who I'm not sure that I'll ever see again. But I was reminded by a friends that sometimes purging relationships can be more healthy than holding onto them. And I'm the first to tell you that I fear letting go of relationships. This will be good. I have to keep telling myself that.
"LET GO of your insecurities, LET GO of your fears. LET ME take the burden" says the Lord. But letting go is the hardest part. Because, after all, who will catch me when I fall? In reality, though, were any of those superficial relationships willing to or even there for me to catch me in the first place? Probably not.
"Stop WORRYING about what other people think!" says the Lord. But if I stop caring, who will I have to impress? Who will want to be around me? Won't I OFFEND everyone with my RELIGION? The last thing I want to do is OFFEND someone! How will that ever bring them closer to the TRUTH? Ha. Can't you just count the lies I tell myself?
I end with a morsel of truth: There is no moment that you can change except for the one you are in right now. The past is over with, and the future nothing but an illusion we label as "inevitable". But inevitability can be changed in this moment. This moment. So take the reigns and steer as you so choose.
5 comments:
Good luck Sybil!
oh syb. even though i was not around to send you off, nor was i around to even hang out much, there is no getting rid of me. i will find you. and stalk your blog. so you should put one of those follower things on so it can update me of when you are posting. okay. i love you. thanks for the 90210 help.
certainly hope you keep posting so I can stay in the loop :)
I didn't know you had a blog! I'm impressed - it's very brave to move to NYC not knowing what your first steps will be. I wish I was spontaneous like that. Good luck and I can't wait to follow you're adventures there!
Breanne
www.bwatson3.blogspot.com
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